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Mother & Son
Just as the New York Times bestseller Love & Respect message transformed family relationships with a biblical understanding of love and respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs now turns these principles to one of the most important and misunderstood relationships of all, the mother and son relationship.
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Where To Buy
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What You Will Learn
- Learn the importance of mothers showing respect to their sons in the mother-son relationship.
- Understand the transformative power of respect in nurturing a strong connection with your son.
- Discover practical ways to connect with your son by better understanding and respecting him.
- Explore the distinct impact of respect on young boys and its positive effects.
- Gain insights to foster your son's growth and development through respect.
- Empower yourself as a mother with a definitive guide to connecting with your son in a meaningful way.
- Unlock the key to nurturing your son's heart through respect.
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Respect Is the Key to Your Son's Heart
The idea of moms respecting their sons may sound alien to some, but it seems to ignite curiosity across the board. It is easy to relate to the need for all of us to feel a mother’s love, but is that the same thing as respect? Even for young boys, the effect of respect is nothing short of astounding when applied properly.
The definitive guide for a mom that wants to better understand her son and connect in a whole new way.
Empowering Mothers in the Vital Mother-Son Relationship
Mothers, it's time to address the urgency of the situation. While there's significant focus on coaching fathers to love their daughters, the conversation around specific ways for mothers to show respect to their sons has been largely silent and lacking comprehensive guidance. The undeniable truth is that little girls need their father's love, but who is championing the importance of mothers showing respect to their sons, both young and grown? It's no wonder that mothers often feel left in the dark on this vital topic.
Now, drawing from his transformative work in marital relationships, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs shifts his focus to one of the most significant bonds of all—the relationship between a mother and her son. By applying biblical principles of love and respect, he sheds light on this crucial dynamic and provides practical and applicable insights. It's time to bring clarity and understanding to the unique and essential role mothers play in showing respect to their sons.
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Read What Moms Are Saying About Mother & Son!
Your teaching has touched our family in a way that will change us for generations to come and I can never thank you enough.
I loved this book and recommended it for a book club of moms. It was helpful for each of us...Particularly appreciated the shoulder to shoulder time explanation, and the explanation of using the word respect in conversations with my sons. The book was helpful because it allowed me to see how my communication needed to be different with my sons than it is with my daughters. It made me more intentional in conversations with my guys.
I just finished Mother & Son and have learned so much. I have three sons...and have been struggling communicating with my oldest. A friend at church had recommended your book and it couldn’t have come at the more perfect time. For me it was easy and I get it now! Practically every chapter I was shaking my head in agreement. I think about things before I say them and try to explain in the most respectful tone without raising my voice. The biggest win for me was the first time I tried Respect Talk with my oldest son. We had gotten into an argument over the weekend and it was bothering me. A few days later I went into his room before bed and had apologized for my actions and how we are a lot alike and he is growing into a respectful and honorable young man. He grinned and I said good night and walked out. I went back into bed and within 5 minutes he came into our room to give us a hug, kiss, say good night and that he loved us! I had the biggest smile on my face. For me, this is easy and I get it now. I didn’t understand the blue way of thinking and it is something I am working on every day now. Thank you!
I have to admit that I am not great at either the love or respect talk! So humbling. And yet, this book really gave me incentive to try to be better, with concrete examples that I desperately needed. I love my two teenage sons, and I've yearned to be a good mother to them, but wasn't sure how. This book told me how, and is changing my relationships with them. It is slow, because I do not change easily, but I am persevering, and better is BETTER!
When my son gives me his insight I say, “I really respect what you have to say,” or “I respect the way you handled that situation.” Or “I really respect how you are taking initiative to get things done and follow through with . . .” These things have made my son smile like I have never seen. I talk more about respect with regard to sporting events and showing respect for other opponents. My son knows without a doubt that I love him . . . now I feel he knows that I value him and his ideas, which I may not have done so well in the past. . . . Thank you so much for sharing God’s message.
In talking to my sons on the phone, I thought I would try out the respect thing. Instead of always ending our conversation with I love you, I said, “I respect (I made it personal to their situations).” One son got quiet and then said, “Thank you, mom,” which really touched my heart. Another son who is more distant from us emotionally and spiritually also got quiet and then said, “I love you,” which he seldom says first or responds to when I say it. To me that was awesome. I expect new fruit in many areas and look forward to using these tools to bring healing to first myself and then others. God bless your ministry.
My relationship with my twenty-two-year-old son improved overnight! Who knew that... simple changes in words could make such a difference. Now I tell him how much I appreciate him, and he tears up. Before, I told him I loved him and got back, "I know, I know, I luv u too." Learning the right words to get my feelings across in a way they can be assimilated was so easy!
Because of my lack of understanding the importance of respect, I purchased your “Mother and Son” book. We adopted our son as a newborn. We have always been honest with him about his story and now at 8 years of age he is beginning to ask some hard questions. Your teaching is helping me to allow my boy to talk about his birth mom and ask questions and cry tears. I don’t think I could have done that with the grace and kindness needed if I didn’t understand his need for respect. Respecting my husband and my son is healing them. It is amazing to see."
Just finished Mother & Son Respect Effect. I loved it!! I wish I had read it sooner although I do believe I’ve learned to respect my 16 year old in a just a few short weeks. I’ve told all my friends about it as I believe it’s a must for all moms of boys. I also strongly feel that female public school teachers should read this book!!
We have two boys, and our oldest is almost eleven. I know that he feels a lot of pressure on him to be a good example to his three younger siblings. I tell him I love him all the time, but I had never considered telling him I respect him. This last Tuesday, I was cleaning his room, and I found a note he had written. It said, “Failure=Benjamin.” He is very hard on himself. . . . I was devastated. I knew something had to change, and that something was us, his parents. We need to show him that we respect him. Before he got home from school, I made twelve notes and taped them around his room and hid them in places such as drawers and under his pillow: I love you. I respect you. I respect your ideas. I am so proud of you. You are the most creative person I know. You are a great big brother. As soon as he got home and saw the obvious ones I had posted, he ran to me and gave me a hug! His eyes were sparkling, and he was so excited. He immediately took the notes and made a board that said “compliment board” and taped them all to it. I have written him letters in the past to tell him I love him and how much he means to me (he is very sentimental and has kept every note and letter). But telling him I respect him went over the top. I have made a vow to respect my son and treat him like I want his future spouse to treat him.
A mother and preschool director wrote: We have four children, two boys and two girls. Our boys are in the middle and sixteen months apart. Our boys were arguing, bickering, and annoying each other on purpose around ages nine and ten... I would remind them to “be nice” or “show kindness,” and their actions would change for the moment, but it didn’t reach their hearts. As I applied the respect principle to them and said things such as “You aren’t showing your brother respect when you ______________.” Or “You show your friends respect, so you need to extend that same respect to your brother.” It was life-changing; it spoke to their hearts. Don’t get me wrong, they still have disagreements at thirteen and fourteen, but they are quick to resolve them, and they are best friends.
I have read Love and Respect years ago so I was familiar with the Respect message. However, I had not realized how much I didn’t know… What I didn’t know was my son, now adult, was starving for my respect as much as my husband did in the past. I always expected my son to show respect to me while thinking love was all he needed from me. Now, Emerson has opened my eyes again to the reality. I am getting ready to construct a letter to my adult son telling him how much I Respect him. I love the fact that there are practical words and phrases to use with my son that I would have never thought to say., Words that he longs to hear from me. Mother and Son is worth your read. Emerson will help you understand your son better.
…I had a heart-to-heart talk with our 35-year old son this past week. I started reading “Mother and Son” while we were still at the conference and was deeply convicted just after reading the intro! I texted my son immediately and said: “only gotten through the intro to Emerson’s new book and have learned that I have always loved you deeply, but have not always respected you – as a young boy or as a man. For that I deeply apologize and have much to seek your forgiveness for. God has already shown me two very specific times. Can we talk after I get home…at a time convenient for you?” he responded fairly quickly and said: “Yes we can”. We had a great 2-hour talk…and then, just as he was leaving, he came up behind me and put his arms around me and said, “I love you, Mom.” Whew…so special!
I just finished Mother & Son: The Respect Effect, and it has opened my eyes to a whole new world. I’m a divorced mom with 2 adult sons and no brothers, so sorely in need of this book to get a clue. Wow! I have also ordered the Love & Respect Conference DVDs to help me with gaining more knowledge on the topic. Can’t wait for them to arrive. Thank you for this wonderful and enlightening book.
I listened to the audio book but now I’m ordering the hard copy. There is so much amazing information in here, I need a better way to reference it! After having many years of marriage turmoil, I heard an explanation of the Crazy Cycle. In hearing this, I knew I needed to know more but marriage wounds were too fresh. Having two sons (9 and 4), I knew I needed understanding from God so that I would raise them with their masculine needs met to the best of my ability. This book has given me great illumination on the way God created the male gender and how to respond as their mother. It’s a book I need to reread every few years!
I first want to say thank you so much for writing this book for all of us mothers. I’m not a big reader but I just knew I needed to get through this. When my son was a lot younger of course our relationship was significantly different and it was all about love and he loved love. I realize in the teenage years that something was changing and I could not quite figure it out. And now I recently got married and I have three stepchildren. Each of them are boys. I have three teenagers currently and a nine-year-old boy. Needless to say my eyes are wide open now and even though I want to love each of them and I will always love them, but now I absolutely want to respect them as well…Again thank you so much.
So wish I had read when my son was little, but found powerful at 30 years old as well. Although we don't line up on our worldview at this stage, I found an area I genuinely
admire and respect in my son. When I told him I respected the way he handles his finances, my words resonated with him in a way that he immediately physically sat more erect (in the car passenger seat) and then shared with me some of his business ideas.
This book has been invaluable! My sons are 20 and 22, and my godson is 12. I purchased this book 6 months ago and have been amazed at how much it has transformed our conversations. I make sure to tell them how much I respect them via texts. Because it's not in person, it is not awkward and received well by them…This shows the different way that men communicate and receive love vs how women receive love and communicate. It is a different language. It will feel awkward, just like learning a foreign language. At times you will say it wrong or too often, but with practice, you will know the right way to use "respect" language and the exact words to use. It is worth the struggle. It will open your eyes and you will see exactly how much your son loves you by his actions. My sons now text me simple sentences just to let me know what is going on in their lives. I always thank them for sharing and leave it at that. Simple conversations=more conversations.
Through your book I realized I have never showed my sons (ages 19 and 21) respect. They know I love them, but I'm sure they never felt respected. I'm convinced my words (and actions) made them feel controlled and belittled, which created a wall between us. I'm learning how to honor my sons with respect (and space) and in return I'm receiving the love I crave. I try regularly to tell my sons something I respect about them or something that makes me proud. It is transforming our relationships...I have recommended this book to all my friends with sons. I even purchased it for one friend! This book is worth the time and the money for Moms to learn how to relate with their sons in the way that is most meaningful to them.
Your book was a powerful eye opener for me. Incredibly insightful. Practically helpful ...thank you for it. And I'm grateful to God - through Christ - for the way in which He's been using it in our lives. Truly.
I have two boys... I have recently read and listened to this book. I feel like this book has opened my eyes to how much I fail in my conversations with them... The conversations in your book are so foreign to me with my boys. I am at the point now where I can see where I did not respond with respect, now I need to get the vocabulary burned into my brain! It is going to be a process of changing my vocabulary, but I am committed to the long haul! I know it is what my young men need… The biggest mindset change has been with me focusing on spending shoulder to shoulder time with them and watching them doing things... I now have the freedom to just do stuff with them and not have to talk. This last weekend I was home alone with my [son]. We spent a lot of time talking about whatever was on his mind (he loves to talk), going for walks, playing things he enjoys, and working outside. It was a lot of shoulder to shoulder time. I cannot tell you how many times he said that he just loves spending time with me. This is the same kid that a week ago said that I don't act like I like him. On one walk he said that he was going to stay with me so he could protect me. Later in the weekend I said that I was glad he was with me and that I wasn't alone because I felt safer having him there. He was so energized by that.
I have seen dramatic improvement in my relationship with my…son since I began implementing the principles in the book. I already had a good relationship with my son and picked up the book in anticipation of these next…years, but I hadn’t realized how much better it could be for both of us. My son and I both win in so many ways!…I keep the book on my nightstand and keep going through it so I don’t forget any of the information. This has been a lifestyle change for me with my son because it just works.
Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.
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Product Quotes
It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.
The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.
When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.
Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.
You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.
Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.
We are worth Jesus to the Father.
Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.
He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.
Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.
Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.
Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.
He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.
Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?
The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.
Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.
Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.
Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.
We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.
Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.
Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).
The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.
Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.
His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.
A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.
It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.
Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.
Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.
Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.
Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.
Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?
A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.
The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.
Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.
Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.
A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.
When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.
A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.
We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.
Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)
Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.
His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.
To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.
Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.
Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.
Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.
Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.
Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.
Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.
When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.
When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.
Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?
Negative actions rarely produce positive results.
Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.
Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.
Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.
When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.
Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?
You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”
So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”
One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.
Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.
Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.
When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.
We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.
We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.
You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.
Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.
When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)
No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.
The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.
Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.
It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.
When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.
Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.
Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.
When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.
Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.
Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?
When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.
When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.
Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.
Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.
A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.
Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.
You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.
Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.
She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.
As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.
A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.
It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.
Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?
Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.
If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.
God is good and wants what is best for us.
Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.
To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.
Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.
Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)
Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)
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