Love & Respect Book

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

We are equal but we are not the same.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)