Conference Notebook - Digital Download (Old)

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.