Mother & Son

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.